Facebook Detox

My husband and I often have a battle over the computer and the activities which occur on the computer.

For him, his addiction is video games; and for me, Facebook has become rather addictive especially as it is a great avenue for catching up, and reconnecting, with friends from primary (elementary) and high school in Hong Kong and Australia, as well as other friends which have crossed my path over the years.

I have two predominant accounts on Facebook (yes I know, that is technically not allowed... but having a girlfriend who is a friend on both accounts, who works for the legal department of Facebook, nothing has been said, so we'll keep mum on it); one for business purposes only and the other, for play. And where have I found most of my time landing? Of course on the side that is set aside for play.

As I have found that I have lost my husband to his video game, he backfires and tells me that he has lost me to Facebook. Is there a double standard in what is better and what is not? Yes and no. Yes in that the content is different, but no in that both are extremely addicting, and anything that can separate a family for extended periods of time without any real productive results, can be detrimental.

Most of you who are friends, or regular readers of our blog, know that Ben and I are planning to enter in a very sacred covenant of Celestial Marriage (also known as Temple Marriage) on May 15th this year.

Since we've determined to do this and set the date, we have been hit left, right, and center with adversity. And when I say adversity, not in the sense that we've hit against brick walls, but rather in subtle and small ways which, added up, become mountains.

As members of the Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), we've been counseled that Satan finds very subtle ways to intercede in our lives, straying us from the straight and narrow path, and leading us into a vast void of temptation and unfulfilled promises and lies. When we err on this side, we are headed in a one way street to destruction and devastation.

“Distractions and discouragement are some of Satan’s most effective tools. He finds ways to help us make excuses about why we can’t do this or that. He gets us involved in wasting our time and resources in things that lead us away from improving our lives and developing our talents. He blurs our focus by diverting our attention. This can happen to the very best of you.” Elder Donald L. Staheli of the Seventy

(See http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=afee15e67b5b2210VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD for full article)

And while I've been frustrated with my husband's playing of his game, I too have been distracted with Facebook. Oft-times in the past, I'd easily stay up all night on Facebook chatting and reconnecting with old friends, now living in different parts of the world, instead of finding myself where I was supposed to be, in bed next to my husband.

When I realised how destructive that activity was, I curbed it, only now oft times finding my husband seemingly preferring his game to being in bed sleeping.

What to do?

We are getting sealed in the temple in just over a month's time.

I have recently suggested to my husband that this sacred day is akin to having a baptism in that all our past mis-deeds towards one another be forgiven and forgotten, and that we have a chance to start over again. But how can we start over again if there has been no work done? Can a road simply be re-paved over cracked and dangerous pot holes, or does it have to be worked on a bit, smoothed over, before new asphalt can be laid?

So today, I made a decision for myself and suggested same for Ben; I'm giving up Facebook for one month to focus on growing, and preparing myself spiritually and temporally for our upcoming Temple Wedding, and I suggested that he give up his video games to prepare also.

This afternoon, I posted my last "update" on Facebook. In it I stated that I was going to take a break from Facebook for one month to focus on personal things. While I am saying "See ya later" to Facebook, I will still check my email and will still blog; but the thing which has been really getting in the way of my priorities, I am joyfully sacrificing.

During this next month, my goal is to read the scriptures daily, meditate daily and with real intent. I plan to visit the temple at least once a week. I plan to blog about this and how I am doing. In this month without Facebook, I intend to spend more quality time with my husband and smooth over any rough patches which may still be lingering so that when we kneel across from each other in the holiest of holy places, we will truly be there in purity, and with a spirituality that washes us clean of any negativity. In this, we will end our temporal marriage and begin our journey in an eternal marriage.

And while Ben has resisted my suggestion that he gives up his gaming for the next month and instead focus on other, more productive things, he is open to it.

While the outcome is still unknown, I know that the sacrifices which we are making will bond us together in a stronger, and more spiritual manner.

So, after my final update on Facebook for the next month, and catching up on last comments and emails, I logged off for the last time for the next month... How did I feel? I actually felt a bit of a weight lifted. For too long I have been updating, chatting, and getting caught up. Now I feel as if I can manage to have a bit of privacy, at least for the next month, without my nearly 400 friends (on my private page) knowing what I am having for lunch or cooking for dinner, or where I am going, what I am doing, or anything. Right now, I feel relieved to have that burden lifted.

This leads me to ponder on how it became such that lives are no longer kept private in this day and age of social media. We update constantly on what we are doing, where we are going, who we are seeing... Does anyone really care? So why are we putting it out there? Its akin to the parent who insists on showing you their portable photo album of their child's life almost from the moment of inception... do any of us really care, or are we just playing nice in our comments?

What really are our priorities today? And what are we teaching the next generation about priorities?

Family is always first, that has been most people's motto; and it certainly is within the church and in my family; so when did we start putting "updates" and "Tweets" and video gaming ahead of the family?

Today, I learned of friends who have separated because of his video gaming habit. While I know that she is not the easiest person to live with, escaping into a void that is the mindless side of the internet, never solved any issues. Escapism in general never solved any issues. But we do it because it is easy and it is accessible.

The same internet where we can learn vast amounts of information at the press of a button, or a Google search; can also result in detriment. I think there comes a time when each of us has to make that decision whether they are going to do what is easy, or make sacrifices wherein the blessings and rewards are immense and eternal.

This is my goal, keep reading and we'll see what develops.

Chinese New Year of the Tiger

For the past two weeks, we have been celebrating two things... Chinese New Year and... well, the Olympics.

Many people will be surprised to know that Chinese New Year is not just a one day celebration, as is the western New Year, but rather it lasts for 15 days and each day has a special meaning.

I don't ever remember celebrating each day for 15-days, but as my previous post will attest, we did celebrate at least the first four days.

When I think of celebrating each day for 15-days, well it does seem like a lot of fun. What we have been doing is eating for the past two weeks... a LOT!

There are days like the 7th day of the Lunar New Year that is considered everyone's birthday. It goes back to the belief that the God's were creating all the creatures of the world, and on the 7th day, they created human's. So on this day, we eat special cakes and wish each other a "Happy Birthday"; although for many westerners, the idea that it means turning another year older... well, it just does kind of repel us doesn't it?!

Then there is the 12th day which is called "Diarrhea Day" as we've been eating so many fried and heavy foods over the last 11-days that when we get to the 12th day, well, I guess it all just has to make its "exit".

Let's just say that I did all I could to avoid "celebrating" on that day. I guess it could be called "worshiping the porcelain God day"... Even if it meant taking quantities of immodium, I was bound and determined to NOT celebrate.

The 13th day and the day when businesses in Asia worship the God, Guan Yu. He was a warrior in the 3rd century and was a very good general, very successful businessman, and also very generous to those less fortunate. Eventually, he was killed by being beheaded but because of all the good works he did in his life, he was elevated to God-head status; and today businesses will worship him on this day in hopes that the coming year will bring much prosperity, loyalty, generosity, and success.

On the final day, it is called Lantern Festival. This is different from the mid-Autumn Lantern Festival, and most of the lanterns displayed on the 15th and final day of the Lunar New Year, are the red round ones.

Backing up to the first day of Chinese New Year, I made a nine-dish dinner feast. How I did all nine dishes on my own, I have no idea... It was really good even though I did not get too much of a chance to sit, eat and enjoy; but my guests and my husband enjoyed so that was what was important... at least for me who is a true cook at heart.

Over the next few days, I am going to post a few recipes for what I made that night for you to try and enjoy. If you do make any of these dishes, please do let me know how you enjoyed it.

These are a few recipes which I grew up with, and they come from my home, and my heart, with all the memories of my youth, to you. Enjoy!

My Memories of Chinese New Year

The typical greeting at Chinese New Year is "Kung Hei Fat Choi" (Kung pronounced "Gung") and often this is done with one hand made as a fist and the other hand clasping over it almost like you are going to punch the palm of the other hand, or you can also "fit" the fist into the other hand that is clasping over; this is the symbol and old time respect. Nowadays, just saying it will suffice.

As kids, we want to get lots of red packets (filled with money), also known as "Lai-cee"; so if we want to be naughty, or irreverent about it, we say "Kung hei fat choi, lai-see do lai", which means to give me lots and lots of lai-cee. It’s looked at as a joke, but the more old timers will get quite angry if you say this.

I remember that we always had a week off of school for the holiday, and it was at this time that Hong Kong was its most quiet as many people would go back to China to visit family there. For many, it was the only time of the year that they would be able to go back.

After the second day of Chinese New Year, we would get lots and lots of visitors, from people who worked for my Dad at OOCL as well as the staff from our family business. It was a sign of respect to come and visit, to give me (and my brother and sister) Lai-cee, and bring gifts. This was a time when there was no business discussed and it was when the employees would tell about their latest, joyous, news; babies being born, marriage proposals, etc. Often, we’d be quite surprised to learn of this “news” as it seemed their colleagues already did; but such is the distinction in Hong Kong between the employee and employer.

Weeks prior to Chinese New Year, we would have a day which was for the "Kitchen God". I remember we took everything out of the cabinets, we dusted and cleaned (mainly our Ah-mah "maid" did) and lit incense and laid out special sweets and oranges. This was the day he would make his annual report to the Gods about how we were doing and we wanted to make sure he was appeased. The sweet was for him to say sweet things, the oranges were like offerings of gold (money) so that we will get more in the coming year, and the incense was to help him find his way there and back.

Also, at this time of year, in Hong Kong, all the markets have pots and pots of little orange trees (kumquat). Every home would have these trees, and many people would give these as gifts. The more oranges the tree had (and the more trees one had) the more prosperous the year would be. So many people would buy the trees with many little blossoms on them and the trees were treated SO carefully to allow for the blossoms to remain and turn into oranges.

I remember being fascinated with the oranges and each year I would pick an orange to "try", but each year was spitting it out because they are SO sour and can even be bitter. My family laughed each year because I SO wanted to eat them, so enticing they are; and the smell of citrus is wonderful.

One year after Chinese New Year, I was with my Mum outside of my primary school (which was just down the hill from my house), and she was talking with a friend when suddenly this orange hit me very hard on the back. I looked up and saw a head duck back. Of course, my Mum was furious because of how dangerous it could be from such a height to hit me on the head could have killed me. But it was a little orange from the trees. For many, many years I wondered who would have thrown that orange at me, why, and who was that girl with the dark hair (the hair was long enough to know it was a girl).

Then, a couple of years ago, I “met” her… On Facebook. It turned out she was the daughter of my school principal at the time who was living in the flats (apartments) at the top of the school. She wanted to wish me lots of money, and so she threw it at me… and it was supposed to signify a money bag. We are very good friends now, but a little orange thrown so many years ago connected us.

Also at this time of year, it is tradition to have blossoms in the house. This too signifies money, and people would even buy the fake blossom plants to use year after year and ensure that the blossoms don't die.

In our home, Mum would buy flowers weekly from the flower man, almost all year long; but at Chinese New Year, our flowers she would buy would include long branches of blossoms, and catkins, ginger flowers, and these beautiful yellow flowers which were like orchids, but were not. From the long stems of catkins, Mum would hang lai-cee envelopes to signify more money for the year.

Red and orange really is a significant colour during this festival, and NO white or blues are really allowed to be displayed. White and blue, in Chinese are traditional death and funeral colours.

Prior to Chinese New Year, people would do some mega “house cleaning”, where they would throw out furniture and things which they had used that previous year to make way for new things, and with those new things, hopes for better Feng Shui in the New Year. We had a place where all the garbage was collected from the entire neighbourhood and then picked up by the garbage men, and at Chinese New Year time, it was really difficult not to pick up a thing or two.

I remember one year, I found a lovely rocking chair and brought it home. My Dad and sister went crazy when they saw it because I had brought someone else’s bad joss (luck) into our home. I had to get rid of it immediately, and then the Feng Shui man was called to help restore balance to the home.

In Hong Kong, prior to Chinese New Year, you can find the most beautiful items thrown onto the garbage heap, and most of these items are brand new and hardly used; but no one with any good sense would pick it up and take it home. You see, the people who have thrown these items out have generally had a very bad year, either financially, or health, or otherwise and so they throw these items out to get rid of this bad joss. Then they will buy all new things to restore better joss for the coming year.

Call it superstition or manifestation, but generally it always did work.

The foods we ate were also very important and each was also significant. We would eat long, unbroken noodles to signify long life and unbroken luck for the coming year. We would have whole fish (usually steamed) as “Yu” (fish in Chinese) is similar sounding to the word for money. Shrimp in tomato sauce, a vegetarian dish with specific items and number of items in it, chicken, sharks fin soup, abalone, meat dumpling called sui jao or gwo tia (either cooked in soup water, or fried) which signified the Yuan Bao (old gold nuggets which was currency), special desserts, many items that one would not ordinarily eat during the year, including many items which were more expensive than normal but the idea is that when you eat these expensive items, you will ingest that which will bring more money, prosperity to the person that year, also good health, good luck, and happiness.

During Chinese New Year, it is tradition to not cry, for to cry means that the year will be filled with tears and sorrow.

One also does not cut their hair and the first few days, to not even wash the hair for fear that the good joss will be cut or washed out. So before Chinese New Year starts, all the salons and barber shops in Hong Kong will be booked and packed with people (especially ladies) beautifying themselves.

Anything to do with cutting is not advisable at this time, so no cutting of toe nails or finger nails either, and also no shaving.

Of course, many of these traditions has died away with the new generations, but for those of us who grew up in the old customs, there is still a part of us that holds on… just in case.

This time of year was very important, and being a Eurasian child, with a full Chinese sister who still held all the traditions, it was even more important for me to know, learn, and live. As a woman with my own household, I still maintain many of the traditions I grew up with and plan to pass these on to my own children when they come.

As I am now living in Arizona, many are harder to come by… Things that I miss most are my family, and having all of us gathered around the family dinner table; my sister having cooked up a mega storm. These days, that task has fallen on my shoulders, and I still will cook up a mega Chinese storm at New Years.

I miss the visitors coming and telling us about their latest joys and just the company of having them over. It was never an imposition because we knew they would come. Even though they only stayed a short time, most of the day was taken with one wave after another of people visiting their “Lao Ban” (Big Boss).

I miss the little orange trees, the blossoms, the smells, the energy of excitement that filters through the air. The little traditions in offerings, and incense, and observing which is more tradition than anything. I miss seeing the open trucks driving past filled with orange trees for delivery, and the big fireworks over the harbour with the crowd’s collective “WAAA’s”.

While I miss home most of the year, at this time I miss it just a little more. The pull to go back gets stronger and stronger the longer I have been away, and each year as I sit at my fully laden table of traditional delights, I think quietly to myself the old Jewish saying reserved for Passover, with words rewritten; “Next year, in Hong Kong”.